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Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 616.89
EAN: 9780060929329
ISBN: 0060929324
Label: Harper Paperbacks
Manufacturer: Harper Paperbacks
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 272
Publication Date: October 01, 1999
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
Release Date: September 08, 1999
Sales Rank: 20384
Studio: Harper Paperbacks
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Editorial Review:
Product Description:
Do you sometimes feel as if you are living your life to please others? Do you give other people the benefit of the doubt but second-guess yourself? Do you struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, lack of confidence, emotional emptiness, or eating disorders? In your intimate relationships, have you found it difficult to get close without losing your sense of self?
If so, you may be among the fifteen million adults in the United States who were raised with unhealthy parental control. In this groundbreaking bestseller by accomplished family therapist Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., you'll discover whether your parents controlled eating, appearance, speech, decisions, feelings, social life, and other aspects of your childhood—and whether that control may underlie problems you still struggle with in adulthood. Packed with inspiring case studies and dozens of practical suggestions, this book shows you how to leave home emotionally so you can improve assertiveness, boundaries, and confidence, quiet you 'inner critics,' and bring more balance to your moods and relationships. Offering compassion, not blame, Dr. Neuharth helps you make peace with your past and avoid overcontrolling your children and other loved ones.
Amazon.com Review:
As Edmund Burke said, 'The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.' This is sometimes excruciatingly true with parents. There are the typically anxious ones who get a little uptight about letting their teenagers borrow the car, and then there are the rigid kinds who won't even let their kids leave the house when they want to--or even eat or go to the bathroom when they need to.
Written for the 14 million adult children who've survived an upbringing with the latter type of parents, If You Had Controlling Parents takes the classic Toxic Parents to a new level. Author Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., a family therapist, knows his subject thoroughly; he survived a childhood with a father who has the candor to refer to himself as 'an S.O.B.'
Neuharth says, 'If your parents controlled you in unhealthy ways, they may have planted land mines in your psyche.' Research shows that behaviors and traits exhibited by adult children of controlling parents include the following: depression, low self-esteem, distorted self-image, eating disorders and other addictions, stress-related health problems, inability to sustain an intimate relationship, and more. While this may seem like a heavy lot to handle, Neuharth maintains there's always hope of overcoming the past and changing yourself--even if it means making the drastic move of cutting off contact with one or both of your parents.
He gives a lengthy self-test to determine if your parents were controlling; gives profiles of eight typical styles of controlling parents to help you better recognize how you may be presently affected by your upbringing; and then delves into the process of understanding why your parents acted the way they did in order to start healing emotionally. This is especially important, he says, if you now have children of your own and want to stop the damaging cycle of parental control. He doesn't give a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all recovery plan, but rather suggests several 'paths to healing' and exercises to help you, as he terms it, 'emotionally leave home.' The book's subtitle--'A Guide for Letting Go of Anxiety, Self-Blame and Perfectionism and Improving Assertiveness, Boundaries and Confidence'--says it all. This is self-help at its best.
Average Rating: 
Rating:  -
This book provides tremendous insight for anyone who not only had controlling parents, but who has now become one themselves(ahem). I suppose I have Lisa Kleypas and her latest book to thank. After reading and thoroughly enjoying Blue Eyed Devil, I came across a list of helpful books and links she provided at the end and "...Controlling Parents..."was one of them.
Even if your kids are mostly grown and you are peri-menopausal :) it is not too late to change or to forgive your own ... Read More
Rating:  -
As a child of controlling parents it was very difficult for me to grow up and develop my own identity. It was also very difficult to understand why I had controlling parents and why, even as an adult, I feel so hurt inside and still don't seem to know myself. This book taught me a lot and filled in a lot of empty gaps.
It explains the various types of control parents have, reasons behind their control, how their control has such negative effects on you even as an adult (which includes ... Read More
Rating: -
I disagree with the review that the contolling parent book is too broad. On the contrary, it is specific and clear about exactly what may have taken place in your life and where to go from here. I admit that I am writing this review and will amend it if needed, before finishing the entire book I am so enthralled by it. So, So many things to identify with, again not broad, but specific, detailed and to the point. And the book gives good summaries as to where you're at in the reading so you can look ... Read More
Rating: -
In some way, I think everyone must have had controlling parents to an extent. This book helped me to see where my mother controlled me and how. It also gave me insight as to why she was the way she was and still is. As a single mother myself now being widowed for 3 years, I learned from this book what a normal, non-controlling parent can be.
Rating: -
I was amazed at how well the book was able to take specific situtations and relate them to how they could come about from childhood experiences so well. No only was the author able to match the response to current events to specific type of parental controls growing up, but also the feelings present in both situations. The options and tools suggested were clear, workable, and didn't make you feel like you were always going to be a victim or helpless to overcome the problem. It you were under a strict ... Read More
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